Famous at Home with Dr. Josh + Christi Straub

  • Our Main Home
  • About
  • For Families
  • For Leaders
  • Podcast
  • Speaking
  • Resources

The Stay-at-Home Mom or The Working Mom: Who Has It Better?

March 24, 2015 By Joshua Straub 8 Comments

 

My wife, Christi, and I feel more like hostages of late than parents, confined to the beck and call of our two-year-old son and seven-month-old daughter. Yesterday, our two-year-old owned me. The CIA should hire him to train terrorist negotiators.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re not giving in to our son’s every demand, but we are, like many young parents, in the trenches.

Not too long ago I was talking to a childhood friend as she shared with me the struggle of being a working mom. She said,

“I see your wife on Facebook and read your posts and imagine her getting out of bed, putting on makeup, getting the kids ready, playing with them all day, and still having dinner on the table for you as you get home from work.”

My sudden burst of laughter even caught me off guard.

“Our pictures on Facebook and blog posts must be very misleading,” I replied, in a genuinely contemplative way.

In reality, we’re far from Leaving it to Beaver. Even leaving it to God is a struggle.

I corrected my friend’s perception,

“Maybe I need to start writing about the times Christi rarely makes it out of sweats, cries at 5AM on the shower floor because she can’t get our inconsolable infant daughter to settle, and often resorts to frozen pizzas and mac-and-cheese for dinner as she exhaustingly turns the kids over to me for the evening.”

I could tell by the look on my friend’s face that we immediately went from talking to relating. She told me of her struggles as a full-time working mom, and the guilt she feels for not being with her kiddos as much as she’d like to be.

The irony is that my wife, who runs our business part time when we can get a babysitter, often feels guilty for wanting to work more than she can.

Not long after that conversation, I find myself, as a dad, relating to both. Well, a little bit anyway.

Christi’s chronic back ailment recently left her immobilized for about three weeks, leaving me as a stay-at-home dad taking care of all three. Her recovery was a bit prolonged due to her inability to pick up our daughter, who just so happens to be in the 97th percentile for her size.

Running our own business, for these reasons is a blessing. But it’s also a curse.

I need to work. I also need to help Christi. The kids need me. She needs me. The checkbook needs me. Our trench right now is deep.

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing this to say—we get it.

No matter your situation, whether you’re an exhausted stay-at-home-mom, an anxious working mom, or an exhausted and anxious single mom, one situation is only better than the other when you allow self-imposed guilt and shame to own you.

That guilt and shame is often what leads us to look upon another and judge:

The working mom says, “It must be nice to stay at home and do nothing all day but play with your kids.”

The stay-at-home mom says, “What I wouldn’t give to get a break from my kids and do something else that gives me identity.”

The truth is that no matter your situation as a parent, there’s likely strain on your marriage, strain on your work and/ or finances, and strain on your personal time.

I know this because I’m a parent, who often feels like a hostage. Here are two ways Christi and I are dealing with that:

1. Changing our perspective

The challenge Christi and I are facing of late is not that we’re hostages to our circumstances, or worse yet, hostages to our kids. The challenge we’re facing is that we’re hostages to our own way of thinking.

When we see ourselves as hostages to our circumstances, we blame and judge others. 

When we see ourselves as hostages to our kids, we treat them as an inconvenience.

Our kids are not inconveniences.

Our kids are human beings learning how to navigate the challenges of life.

Do our kids see that we own our circumstances, or do they see that our circumstances own us?

2. Helping other parents

Parenting is flat out hard. In addition to the universal challenges of every family are the myriad of unique challenges each individual family is facing at any given time.

If you’re emotionally spent, don’t be proud, be resourceful. Ask trusted family and friends for a break. There’s no shame in getting “YOU” time. Especially when you realize your kids are most likely feeling your pain.

Instead of judging one another, let’s reach out and help one another. Trade off babysitting so you can go on a date night. Take a meal to a family in need. Sit with a parent friend and just listen. Dads, give your wives a regular mom’s night out. She deserves it.

Giving of ourselves, especially when it seems like there’s little left to give, can be the most freeing next step we take. For in it we discover the universality of parenting–that we’re really not alone in our struggles and that there’s a community of others who need you, as much as you need them.

Besides, our kids are watching how well we love.

Related Posts

  • Why You Should Spend Less Time With Your KidsWhy You Should Spend Less Time With Your Kids
  • 161. Growth Environment for Kids: Part 1 Emotional Growth161. Growth Environment for Kids: Part 1 Emotional Growth
  • #45: Your Questions: Parenting Young Children#45: Your Questions: Parenting Young Children
  • #22: An Open Conversation for Dads: What Your Wife Really Needs#22: An Open Conversation for Dads: What Your Wife Really Needs
  • An Open Letter to Dads: What Your Wife Really NeedsAn Open Letter to Dads: What Your Wife Really Needs

Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Parenting Tagged With: Dad, exhausted, Fathers, Motherhood, Mothers, Parenting, Parents, single mom, stay-at-home mom, working mom

« 2 Ways To Stop Pleading, Begging, and Bribing Your Kids
Why You Should Spend Less Time With Your Kids »

Comments

  1. [email protected] says

    March 25, 2015 at

    I had a huge smile on my face when I read the topic of this blog. I loved my job as a bookkeeper but resigned when my daughter’s babysitter was experiencing all of her first moments, rolling over, pulling herself up, taking steps, you understand. And then started calling her Mommy. Time to change things. People around me found out I was home and ask me to help them out. Here it is 40 + years later, 114 children later and I am still at it with childcare. I would not go back and change my pathway in life. I respect all those working Mothers, and some do not have the opportunity I had to change my life, for also giving me the chance to Love and help guide their children. I feel so proud of my daycare children who have gone on to many rewarding careers in their life. I thank their parents for choosing me to be part of their lives. I Love my job and will do it as long as God gives me the strength to go on. Love you Josh and Jenna, Bev

    Reply
    • [email protected] says

      March 27, 2015 at

      Bev, there’s nobody who loves kids the way you do! Thank you for weighing in on this incredibly important topic. Most importantly, thank you for investing your life, not just in so many lives of other kiddos, but in the lives of the mothers who needed the help! Our world needs many more Bev Moyer’s! Love you too! Thanks for loving our family and investing in Jenna and me through the years.

      Reply
  2. [email protected] says

    March 25, 2015 at

    Thank you Joshua for this. This truly is something I struggle with daily of being a full time working mom.

    Reply
  3. Kristen says

    March 26, 2015 at

    I just recently re-entered the work force after being a stay at home mom for 6 years. For me, (LET ME BE CLEAR, IN THIS MOMENT, WITH MY CIRCUMSTANCES) going back to work has been much easier than staying home. Relish where God has put you in this moment, He makes no mistakes.

    Reply
    • [email protected] says

      March 27, 2015 at

      Kristen, thanks for sharing your personal journey. Being a stay-at-home parent is difficult for sure! I’m sure too, even for you, you lose a sense of ambition or purpose? Would you agree?

      Reply
    • [email protected] says

      May 11, 2015 at

      Question, Kristen, do you now have a baby at home? Do you still have toddlers and pre-schoolers at home, who are not potty trained yet? Do you still nurse, or pump at work? Do you do all of the meals and housework and childcare when you come home? I would like to see a mom in those circumstances say it’s easier to work than stay at home.

      Reply
  4. [email protected] says

    March 27, 2015 at

    Staying home with my 4 kids was the most draining experience so much more challenging than any professional day at work. Best choice we ever made

    Reply
    • [email protected] says

      March 27, 2015 at

      Thank you, Dee. It’s amazing how our most grueling work tends to be our most rewarding. Especially when it involves investing in others, especially our little ones.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join The Mailing List

Get new podcast episodes and other free resources delivered straight to your inbox!

Find topics you care about

I’m looking for:

How does one explain the crucifixion of Jesus to t How does one explain the crucifixion of Jesus to their kids? @joshua.straub & @christistraub use the emotions that the characters in the Easter story felt two-thousand-years-ago to help your kids connect to the Easter story in a way that brings the resurrection of Jesus “alive” to your kids in 10 Days of the Easter Story! Order your copy now at the link in our bio. ✝️🪨⛅️

#10daysoftheeasterstory
This is one of the most life-giving conversations This is one of the most life-giving conversations we’ve ever had on the podcast! @markbatterson , New York Times bestselling author and pastor of National Community Church in Washington, DC, wrote a new book called Please, Sorry, Thanks, and it’s a book that’s not only influencing our own lives, but it’s one we’re now reading to our kids! Listen to this week’s episode at our link in bio to hear all about it. 👏

#famousathomepodcast #pleasesorrythanks #newrelease
Prepare your family’s hearts to celebrate the fu Prepare your family’s hearts to celebrate the full emotions of Easter—Happiness, anger, gratitude, surprise, fear, sadness, and MORE. 🪨⛅️✝️
Reading 10 Days of the Easter Story by @joshua.straub & @christistraub with your family provides opportunities to pray together, ask questions, engage in activities, and dive deep into the biblical story. Order your copy at the link in our bio.

#10daysoftheeasterstory #newrelease #familyactivities #devotional #emotions
So many of us live such busy lives that we sit in So many of us live such busy lives that we sit in our bed at the end of day failing to reflect on what went right. Instead, we silently beat ourselves up. 
We feel ashamed for speaking to our spouse the way we did. 
We feel scared about a health issue we can’t figure out. 
We feel lonely in our work.
We feel inadequate for not being able to fix the faucet. 
We feel exasperated by our kids.
We feel sad the day didn’t go as planned. 
Then, we fall asleep. 
No wonder we wake up uninspired. We meditate on what’s not working.
Death by a thousand cuts. 
Somewhere along the way, just like the Israelites, we forget. We forget to heed the age-old wisdom of meditating on the Word both day and night, so that we may be careful to do everything written in it, and be prosperous (Joshua 1:8).
When we don’t reflect on our day through God’s eyes, we wake up the next morning trying to keep going on our own will. 
Reflection awakens the soul. Instead of stuffing the ugly, meditating on the bad, and ignoring the good, surrender all of it to God and filter daily circumstances through what His Word says. When you do this you notice the moments that move your soul—the courageous yeses to what connect, inspire, and resurrect the world around us. Life by a thousand brave yeses. 
Excerpt taken from What Moves Your Soul? this week’s coaching newsletter by @joshua.straub @famousathome 
Sign up for our weekly coaching newsletter at the link in our bio.

#famousathome #newsletter #emotionallyhealthy
A little under 3 weeks until Palm Sunday! Easter i A little under 3 weeks until Palm Sunday! Easter is coming quick. Order your copy at our link in bio and experience the true feelings of the Easter story with your family. 🌿

#10daysoftheeasterstory #newrelease #familydevotions
Ever had your kids ask you a question you never th Ever had your kids ask you a question you never thought of before and were left speechless in how to answer? What makes those questions even more intimidating is when they’re questions about the Bible. It’s no wonder discipling our kids can feel overwhelming. But what if you don’t need to know all of the answers? 
In this week’s episode, @joshua.straub and @christistraub talk about the ways we can resource our kids in not only looking for answers to their questions, but also falling more in love with Jesus. They also talk about how their new devotional, 10 Days of the Easter Story: A Family Experience Through the Feelings of Holy Week, is structured and written as a framework for getting our kids engaged in the stories of Scripture. Watch this episode at the link in our bio.

#newepisode #famousathomepodcast #10daysoftheeasterstory
Palm Sunday is just a few weeks away! Have you got Palm Sunday is just a few weeks away! Have you gotten your copy of 10 Days of the Easter Story? Head to the link in our bio to order. 🐦💐🐣🌴

The week of Jesus’ death was filled with emotion. Each day is a retelling of the biblical story, a prayer, family-time questions, and an exploration of that day’s emotion. 

#10daysoftheeasterstory #newrelease #familydevotions #easter

Copyright © 2023 - Terms & Conditions - Privacy Policy - Joshua Straub