Caution: This post contains information about the existence of Santa Claus.
“You better watch out. You better not lie.” Wait. What?!
If you’re a Christian parent, perhaps you too question whether you should conform to the holiday tradition of Santa Claus celebrated across the world. Logically speaking, your concerns are warranted. If we lie to our kids about Santa, then perhaps we lied to them about Jesus as well.
Then again, some of my greatest childhood memories were baking cookies and putting out milk for Santa. It wasn’t until I was in second grade that one of my best friends broke the news. Sitting across the lunch table, I remember the exact spot we were in like it was yesterday. I defended Santa as fiercely as a seven year-old could.
Were my parents wrong for lying to me?
Two psychologists, in this month’s journal Lancet Psychiatry, suggest so–that lying to our children about Santa Claus could expose our children to “abject disappointment.”
As Kathy McKay, co-author of the study, said: “The Santa myth is such an involved lie, such a long-lasting one, between parents and children, that if a relationship is vulnerable, this may be the final straw. If parents can lie so convincingly and over such a long time, what else can they lie about?”
If you go along with the Santa tradition like 97%–I made this number up–of other families, take heart. I’m grateful my parents went along with Santa. But I also think we should listen to the research, and take some caution.
6 Considerations About Santa Claus as Christians
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- Don’t use Santa Claus to manipulate your children to behave. Let’s be honest, who hasn’t used Santa Claus to exorcise a sugar-possessed child from Christmas candy. At the risk of sounding like a scrooge, Santa’s not making a list and checking it twice. God, on the other hand, really does know our child’s heart. The values and discipline we instill in our children throughout the year ought not to be based on a fictional character, but on the God who knows even the number of hairs on our child’s head. Teaching our kids to love and behave well because they’re already loved by God is better parenting–and theology–than telling them to behave because it will earn them presents. Relying on Santa to get our children to behave throughout December says more about our parenting than it does our children’s behavior.
- Build relational trust with your kids. Notice what McKay says in the study, “…that if a relationship is vulnerable, [the myth of Santa] may be the final straw.” Emphasis is mine. Some of my greatest childhood memories with my parents involved Santa Claus and Christmas. Not only did my parents also place high value on the birth of Jesus, I already trusted them. When Dad said he would be at my wrestling match or baseball game, he was there. When Mom said she was going to play with me, she did. I never questioned my parent’s love for me. I was emotionally safe. Again, Santa Claus isn’t the issue here, it’s the overall quality of our relationship with our kids.
- Teach your kids about the real St. Nicholas. The term Santa Claus is derived from the name St. Nicholas, who was a real and revered 4th century Christian saint who became known for secretly giving gifts to others. Note: He gave presents to people not based on their behavior, but to secretly bless them.
- Focus on Jesus’ birth. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. In our culture, however, it’s easy to get caught up in the glamor of Santa, elves, and reindeer. In our house, we read the Christmas story a few times a week leading up to Christmas. Through advent, we teach our kids about the 25 characters of the Christmas story. We try to be super intentional about spending more time telling our kids about Jesus. If he comes to their school or we see him in a Christmas movie, we talk about Santa. We also put out milk and cookies the night before Christmas. But it pales in comparison to the birthday party we have for Jesus.
- Focus on imagination! What my mother-in-law did with my wife, Christi, and her siblings growing up is exactly what we’ll do in our house. They played Santa. And when it came time for the kids to ask if Santa was real, her answer was simply, “Santa is pretend. And we pretend in our house.”
- But what about the elf on the shelf, you ask? It’s too much work. Santa has enough to do this Christmas.
What do you tell your kids about Santa?
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I told my children that Santa lived in our imagination. “Imagine that” A phrase I used to help them understand fictional characters and things.
Sara, so similar to what my mother-in-law said as well. I love your words, “Imagine that.” Thanks for sharing!
Amen!!! This is what we do in our house. We have a 13, 11, and 2 year old. The older kids have never been upset that we didn’t “do” Santa in our house. Although we have had some disgusted faces from people who found out that our children don’t “believe” in Santa. Of course people also look at us weird that our almost 14 year old doesn’t have a cell phone or any social media accounts. It’s enough for me that God asks us, ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
Thank you Lord that I am not the only mom who things like that!! Thank you Kristina for sharing!!
Excellent Parenting 👍🏻😬 So easy to get wrapped up in this monkey see monkey do world so I commend y’all!
Tim Miller
We chose not to “do” Santa for most of the reasons listed here and I don’t regret our decision. There’s also not the stress of having to get everything on a list so the child doesn’t lose faith in Santa. We have been criticized and called “bad parents” for depriving our children of the whole Santa experience. We allow our children to pretend Santa brings their presents, but they have always been aware that the gifts come from Mom and Dad and our biggest emphasis has always been on the birth of Jesus, not the gifts. We explained to our children that some families believe in Santa, and that’s OK for them. I could not bring myself to lie that way to my children, possibly making it difficult for them to trust us. I’ll never regret our decision!
Are there really people out there who are psychologically scarred because their parents told them there was a Santa Claus? That makes me laugh! ???????? You folks need to move on and get a life!
Merry Christmas to all! Ho. Ho, Ho!! Whether you tell them or not is your business but you can’t tell me that telling them is hurting them in any way.
I love this post! Such a well-balanced and non-condemning way to address this issue. I remember my moment of finding out Santa was not real and being so upset with my mom for lying to me! I personally don’t want to pressure myself and hubby to have to come up with constant fabrications and excuses, but don’t want my kids to ruin it for other families. Love the idea of talking about St. Nick!
Jillian, thanks for your kind words about the post. No matter what families choose, the two primary issues, for me, are making sure we have a great relationship with our kids, and using that relationship as the foundation to show them who Jesus is. Santa is secondary. I appreciated your story! 🙂
We’ve always brought our kids to church every Sunday. Christ’s birth is all they ever associated with Christmas. We described that Santa Claus was a nice fictional character in a traditional story. They understood. It was never a big deal because we kept Christ as the focus on Christmas. It sounds simple but it worked. The kids never burst any other child’s bubble by telling them that Santa didn’t exist. Telling the truth all along made Santa a non issue.
Doug, love this. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks. I recall a “Holiday Party” at work. The subject at the table where I sat was…how to break it to our kids that Santa wasn’t real. I was quiet during most of the discussion until one co-worker asked what I thought. I simply said “Christ has always been the center of our focus at Christmas… Santa was a non-issue because our pastor would remind us, including the kids, that Santa didn’t exist” Everyone at the table looked at me like I had three heads.
We celebrate St. Nicholas in our home and children’s ministry. He lost his parents at a young age and dedicated his life as a bishop in the church to helping the poor in humility. The Santa concept creates such a “gimme” mentality in kids, and I was one of them. St. Nicholas should be a historical figure to celebrate that encourages the opposite in our church culture. He should be celebrated to spur the church on to generosity towards those in need.
Also, we adopted older kids from Africa where England’s Father Christmas mixed with an American Santa was popular. Kids put their hope in a divine-like myth that breaks the hearts of kids in orphanages every year when he never shows up. And we tell them to keep putting their hope in a God who will show up and give good things to them. They struggle to accept this. For them Santa is just another person to abandon them. I hope they don’t all apply that feeling toward their Heavenly Father. I get sick thinking about how our greedy culture has infiltrated the world to bring such heartbreak.
Personally, I feel like Santa has hijacked Jesus’s birthday. It makes me think of the illustration in John 10 where Jesus is teaching about a theif sneaking in to the sheepfold who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
Our family and church is doing the Advent Conspiracy, taking Christmas back from our culture, bringing the full meaning to how we celebrate Emmanuel! It is a powerful experience when you shed the distractions and pressures of the holidays and just worship fully!
My daughter asked me if Santa was real when she was 3 years old. I asked her if she really wanted to know. She did, so I told her that he was not real, but a fun game we play for Christmas. She asked again when she was 4 and again at 5 years old. I’ve always told her the truth when she asked. She is 8, now. She plays the game so well that I wondered if she remembered our conversations the past. We have an Elf on the Shelf (🙄) that she has never asked about, but I figured she understood the connection. This year, she started making “suggestions” about where the elf might be found the next day. She gave me a secret little wink once that let me know she knows the truth and loves the game.
My son is 6. He is very logical about everything else in life, so it is surprising to me that he has never asked. When he does, I’ll tell him the truth. We’ll probably continue “doing Santa” and having an Elf until they grow up and move out. I worried about how to handle this before I was a parent, but it has turned out to be so minimal. I respect families who choose to do differently than ours. My kids know that Christmas is Jesus’s birthday and all the presents are because we are celebrating the GIFT of Jesus!
Once our children were past the age of believing in Santa, I taught them the real story about St. Nicholas. He was a real man. He became a Christian through much hardship in his life, and his God led ministry was to give gifts to the less fortunate which included all kinds of people, adults and children. After he died and went to heaven, his ministry continued and still does to this day because it was God inspired and God led from the beginning. All great ministries of God live on beyond the people who started them. We can be Nicholas or Santa to others at Christmas by helping others, giving gifts from the heart, and showing God’s love to whomever we feel led to. That helps bring more love, more joy, and more of God into the world.
As Christians, I think we should teach our children the truth about the Godly origins of people like Nicholas, Valentine, Patrick, Squanto, and many other men and women of God. Their lives were hard, but through their faith in God, He used them in mighty ways. Their “God Stories” inspire us to continue their work so the “truth” of their legacy lives on all through eternity!
I love this perspective, Josh. I was recently talking to a very well known author and ministry director about this issue. It was so interesting he said he has noticed that many parents who don’t want to “play” Santa with their children are first-generation believers.
Perhaps there is a correlation of not having a legacy of faith and trust to stand on so they fear their children will not trust them in other areas if they play along with Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy?
This wise man of faith, whose Father is a spiritual giant in today’s world, remembers fondly, as you do, his parents pretending there was a Santa and creating great childhood memories that he has, in turn, passed on to his children and now grandchildren.
I never thought of this perspective. Obviously, it doesn’t pertain to everyone and is not across the board, but perhaps just an interesting observation?
The celebrating of ” Christmas ” was always strangely characterized largely by thoughts of a things contradictory to God and His Word. Gluttony, poor stewardship with finances and time, revelry, fables, traditions of men, and given more. After years of celebrating and even trying to MAKE ” Jesus the Reason” , I finally found true peace and joy. I no longer felt the stressed and somewhat depressed feeling when it was over, when I listened to the Holy Spirit and separated myself from the unbiblical tradition of ” Christmas”. I had felt that celebrating this ” holiday” was not pleasing to God, but I had so many ” warm feelings” and memories. The account of the birth of Christ, the beautiful nativity, the songs, family gatherings,etc… could that be wrong? One day I was thumbing through my grandmother’s little pamphlet on Christmas. There were pages with scenes of secular topics such as Christmas trees and others on the nativity. I actually began to ask God, out loud, ” What is the truth, Lord?” I wanted to know -” Is this really about You or Your will?” I will never forget how clearly and quickly these words came to my mind, ” Come out from among them.” ‘ Come out from among them?’ Is this You, God? What do you mean? I knew I must see if this was The Word of God, our Lord Jesus speaking to me. I quickly went to my Bible concordance and typed in the words, Come out from among them.
“WHEREFORE COME OUT FROM AMONG THEM, AND BE YE SEPARATE , SAITH THE LORD, AND TOUCH NOT THE UNCLEAN THING; AND I WILL RECEIVE YOU, ” 2 Corinthians 6:17
I then looked to the preceding verses,
“BE YE NOT UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVERS: FOR WHAT FELLOWSHIP HATH RIGHTEOUSNESS WITH UNRIGHTEOUSNESS? AND WHAT COMMUNION HATH LIGHT WITH DARKNESS? AND WHAT CONCORD HATH CHRIST WITH BELIAL? OR WHAT PART HATH HE THAT BELIEVETH WITH AN INFIDEL? AND WHAT AGREEMENT HATH THE TEMPLE OF THE LIVING GOD WITH IDOLS ? FOR YE ARE THE TEMPLE OF THE LIVING GOD; AS GOD HATH SAID , I WILL DWELL IN THEM, AND WALK IN THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. ” 2 Corinthians 6:14-16
I knew I must separate from this worldly endeavor and not look back.
There is great evidence that this man made tradition did not originate from God’s Word, but quite the opposite. I encourage each and every born again professing believer of Jesus Christ to prayerfully consider turning away from these traditions being passed down, and turn to THE WORD – JESUS CHRIST alone. The peace that passes all understanding is found when we trust and obey His commands.