• Home
  • About Us
    • Media
    • Contact
  • Coaching
  • Speaking
  • Our Podcast
  • Our Blog
    • Josh’s Blog
    • Christi’s Blog
    • Our Videos
  • Resources
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • RSS
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Dr. Josh and Christi

2 Ways To Stop Pleading, Begging, and Bribing Your Kids

March 9, 2015 By Joshua Straub Leave a Comment

 

Bedtime has officially become a chore in the Straub household. Think delay tactics, manipulation, and even playing “lovey dovey” to get his way. Yes, our two-year-old can be a master manipulator.

And let me tell you, he’s good!

In the last few weeks Christi and I have found ourselves reading books to him a little later, playing “trains” a little longer, and “redding up” his toys for him (if you’re a fellow PA native) or cleaning up, (if you’re anybody else), all in the name of “helping” Landon.

Those are the good nights. The troubling part about bedtime is not only has it gotten longer, we found ourselves using the same doggone tactics he’s using on us—manipulating, begging, pleading, and yes, whining just to get him into bed. I even found myself making promises I knew I wouldn’t keep.

How can such a little immature body have the power to turn a mature man into a whiny brat himself?

By giving up our authority.

When you find yourself pleading, begging, or even yelling at your kids, you’ve turned over your authority as a parent.

Just the other night I was finishing up a few dishes before bedtime. I told Landon to put his blocks away. Instead, he sat on them, drinking his milk as if I never said a word. With wet hands and a full sink of dirty dishes, I kept scrubbing. With a strong desire to finish the dishes, I figured a good ole’ fashion threat would get him moving, “If you don’t put your blocks away right now, you’re going straight to bed. No books.”

That’s when Christi walked in behind me. “Josh, if he’s going to listen we have to follow through on what we tell him we’re going to do.”

I know this in my head, but when it comes to doing it, it’s so easy to get distracted, or even do for our kids what they should be doing for themselves.

Here are two ways we’re teaching our kids to comply with respect without losing our authority—or our cool.

1.   Make listening and following the rules fun. Bedtime routines and power struggles don’t have to be a drain. The earlier we start showing our children they’re not in charge, the less struggles we’ll have with them over time.

To make listening and following the rules fun, we have to be attuned to our child. Playing games and having fun with routines is less likely to happen when they’re already melting down. As soon as we see Landon start to delay on something we tell him to do, we sometimes play a game of Simon Says, (only inserting Daddy says, or Mommy says). When we join in with fun, toys get picked up quicker, teeth get brushed more thoroughly, and the power of teamwork is learned.

Sometimes we sing, “If you’re happy and you know it” as well.

Whatever you decide, be creative and show your kids by how you handle these moments that submitting to authority doesn’t have to be a struggle of the wills.

2.   Consistency, Consistency, Consistency. Our kids pick up on what we do more than what we say. If we say we’re going to do something, we need to follow through. If we tell Landon he can’t touch the space heater one moment, but allow him to do it the next, we send a mixed message that he can get his way if he’s persistent.

Leading our kids well is showing them that no matter the situation, the rules matter—every time. Not just when it’s convenient for us. The more consistent we are, the less pleading, begging, and bribing we’ll need to do.

Raising kids who lead well means teaching them to respect authority without bribes. When we do, our kids learn to follow the rules using their own moral compass.  

Besides, great leaders first learn to be great followers.

Related Posts

  • 8 Mistakes We Make When We Discipline Our Children8 Mistakes We Make When We Discipline Our Children
  • #53: Dr. John Townsend: How to Not Raise Entitled Kids#53: Dr. John Townsend: How to Not Raise Entitled Kids
  • #97: Your Questions: The Survival Years, School Decisions, and Not Losing our Cool#97: Your Questions: The Survival Years, School Decisions, and Not Losing our Cool
  • #42: Losing Patience, Feeling Inadequate, Discipline, and Not Enough Time: Parenting Struggles 1-5#42: Losing Patience, Feeling Inadequate, Discipline, and Not Enough Time: Parenting Struggles 1-5
  • #73: Helping Moms Discover Their Call to Lead with Kelly King#73: Helping Moms Discover Their Call to Lead with Kelly King

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: Begging, Bribing, Discipline, Leadership, Parenting, Yelling

« Why ‘God’s Plan for Your Life’ is a Myth
Help Us Choose a Book Cover! »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

JOIN OTHER FUN & AMAZING FAMILIES ON OUR EMAIL LIST!

Get the weekly podcast delivered straight to your inbox!

[You are consenting to be on the Dr. Josh + Christi email list. We do not spam. We pinky swear.]

Find topics you care about

I’m looking for:

  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
Instagram post 2196321373500862286_16377459 Proverbs 10:19

#famousathome #discipline #selfcontrol #lessismore
Instagram post 2195592084505725459_16377459 This is a magnet castle I built tonight with Kennedy. It’s not the prettiest one we’ve ever built, at least in my eyes, but in her eyes—because she got to do it with daddy—oh man, this was the best castle ever!

We ran a lot this weekend. Dinner with friends one night, filming videos and working on Saturday, and two church services yesterday. Last night, I could tell they were simply longing for connection. And kids spell connection P.L.A.Y.

So today, I promised one we’d finish the LEGO train and the other a magnet castle. And it was pretty much the most epic part of my day.

The easiest parenting wins come with that 20 minutes of command-free time with our kids. Researcher Stanley Greenspan found 20 minutes to be gold for a child’s brain development. Command-free time is when we enter our kid’s world and do what they want to do.

Don’t let the busyness of the holidays rob you of the greatest gift you can give your kids—one-on-one playtime. Just 20 minutes is gold.

#playtime #famousathome
Instagram post 2194847324861958983_16377459 #famousathome
Instagram post 2194071541587539122_16377459 When we slow down and pay attention, kids teach us a lot about how to live. I love being a student of my children.

May we all progress through the Christmas season with the childlike joy and love of this little guy. This picture progression describes this boy to a T.

And yes, as you can tell by my moves, I have a lot to learn 😂
.
📸: @life.with.marion 
#childlike #joyful
Instagram post 2192637077875503232_16377459 Favorite movie and an annual Christmas staple in the Straub home. Our influence echoes beyond what we could ever imagine.

#youmaketodaybetter #famousathome
Instagram post 2191815017603516578_16377459 Nurturing the hearts under our roof isn’t always easy. But it’s the greatest privilege in the world.

#mysquad #teamstraub #famousathome .
📸: @life.with.marion
Instagram post 2190521001310109518_16377459 We just did ThanksChristmas at the most magical Christmas hotel on the planet. It’s like a Hallmark Christmas movie everyday. Oh yeah, and that’s the real Santa too! 
PS. Let me know if you need some help this year. I can try and put in a good word for you.

Copyright © 2019 · Glam Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in